Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
