I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
