So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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