Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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