if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
