You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
