If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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