I'm gonna have a badass scar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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