Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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