he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
