No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
