so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
