piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am spending my child support on dildos
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
