Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
