I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
