i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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