lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
