The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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