I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
