you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In America we eat man semen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
