Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
