It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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