So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
