Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
