I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize