i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
