hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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