My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
