As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are we still banned from the library?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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