did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
