I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
