Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
