why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
