How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
