life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
