I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
