I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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