Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
