I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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