the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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