The maid of honor just puked.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
