Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize