fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize