Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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