I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
