Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
