just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
