Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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