she smelled like a LAN party
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
