Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
