my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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