i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize