Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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