I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize