And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize