So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize