I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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