You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
someone owes me an orgasm
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
