It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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