I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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