I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
