I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
