also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
