Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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