Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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