glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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