yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
