she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
