I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I believe in your delicious
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
