Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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