Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
being pregnant is like rehab
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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