She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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