I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
