Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
