She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
