I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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