I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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