well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
