is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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