Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
