I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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