I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
