how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
